My heart
by bloodpatternblue
Summary: *One-shot* B/V - Bulma has died, leaving her Prince on his own. How will Vegeta cope with the lose of his wife?


**Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ**

**A/N: This is just an internal dialogue one-shot of Vegeta.**

**I lost somebody very special to me last year. I took a huge break from writing because of it. I really wanted to write something for this person as they were a huge supporter of my creative side. They gave me courage and strength, even though they are gone I still feel them in anything I do. It's a special bond that I have with them that not even death can penetrate. This is my dedication to them, where ever they are...  
**

**So it got me thinking, how would Vegeta take Bulma's eventually death? Considering Saiyan's live longer, how would he cope with her passing and how would he cope with living his life without her?**

**This is my take on it anyway, because after all that is what fan fiction is all about, right?**

* * *

_My heart_

Back then I would not have even noticed the tiny flicker of life force leave this plain. It wouldn't have even registered in my mind. I was a cold, dark being. I never had 'good' feelings, I was never happy, I was never content with anything. I always in pain. I was always too weak. I was always one step behind. I plundered planets for fun, I did evil things. I never thought on my actions. The only person I cared for was myself. How could I become stronger? How could I get ahead of the pack? How could I become the legendary Super Saiyan? How could I win this fight at all costs?

The funny thing was, I thought I was at my strongest in that mind set. I was taught otherwise. To have a family, to have friends, to have something worth fighting for. That is what made me the strongest I could be. My determination and my pride were the vehicles that got me there. But love was the fuel. Without it I would be pushing the wheels along on my own.

When my barriers were taken down I saw a whole new world open up before me. With her...

Because of her.

I felt a tear roll down my face. Was I crying? I watched as the casket they had all chosen for Bulma was slowly lowered into the grave that had been dug for her. Looking at it fall into the cold dark ground I started to wondered if she would be ok down there by herself. She always hated being alone. Even back then, before the children. During my training to become a Super Saiyan. She had never liked being on her own.

I had no reason to be near her, to see her, to be inside her. Something attracted me to her. Her loud mouth, her witty retorts. She slowly chipped away at my hard exterior before I even knew she was doing it. I had no reason to love anyone because I loved myself so much. That was all I needed. Myself.

Yet, she wanted somebody there constantly, I couldn't understand it. When she first broke up with the human Yamcha, she had been upset. I could sense the mood change in her that day. I remember it so well. I heard the yelling from inside the GR, I could tell by the words it was Yamcha. He was asking her why, she couldn't answer him. She had fallen out of love with him.

Ha!

She had never loved him at all. The feelings she felt were not the ones she needed to feel. I could have saved them both the trouble and told them that from day dot. She had retreated inside herself after that day. The usual bickering I baited her into disappeared as she hid from the world. Despite myself I started to worry that she would never recover. I wanted the woman back. I had never loved before, I knew nothing about the heartbreak that followed love.

I was starting to understand it now.

Bulma asked me not to revive her after she died. That stupid woman! Why would she ask that of me? Did she think I could not live without her?

Ha!

I raised my hand up to my cheek and flung away the tear that had flowed from my eye. I could live without the female, I would live without her. I was a Prince of a mighty warrior race. We are born alone and we end up the same way. I was not sad, no, this feeling that brought on my tear. It was fleeting. I had only grown accustomed to her.

Something snag in my throat and I softly gasped.

It was then the realisation that she was never going to call my name out again. I would never wake up before her and watch her sleep. I would never slip out of bed during a sleepless night to keep her from waking. I would never get to hold her again. I would never get to cheer her up when she was sad. I would never get to satisfy her when she was wild and I would never get to annoy her when she was content.

Never again.

The strong resolve I had not only moments ago crumbled like my world. I suddenly became aware that all the people I called family and friends were all around me. Looking at me with pity, what a disgusting feeling this was. They pitted me? I clenched my fists, I had to get out of this place. I spiked my ki as fast as my body would allow. I pushed my energy to my feet and took off into the sky before anyone could say otherwise.

I heard my daughter shout at me from below. Her muffled voice was as clear as day to me but I flew away regardless.

* * *

I landed on the place they called Kami's lookout. Although the old Namekian had been fused with Piccolo many, many years ago they all still called it the lookout. I looked around, I knew he was here, did he know I was looking for him? He seemed to call out to me with his ki, as if to tell me where he was located. I followed the energy signal, it led me to the right hand side of the building. The wind up here was strong, it blew past me tickling my skin. This place reminded me of the time we returned from fighting Kid Buu. The moment I saw Bulma back then, it was a feeling of relief. One I had never felt before. She was ok, she was alive, she was with me once again in my arms. It was all that mattered to me.

It had been a week since Bulma's funeral. I had travelled around the world trying to escape the notion that she was gone. That she would refuse to let me bring her back, even if I tried. She knew I would need her, she knew I would feel this way even before I knew myself. That women, she knew me well.

Too well.

I reached the Namekian, he was standing out the front of a small room. Piccolo was leaning up against the wall beside the door, his arms crossed in their usual fashion. His eyes were closed but his mind was watching me. I stopped and folded mine as well.

"Vegeta, what brings you here?" Piccolo smirked.

"Don't play dumb Namek, you know why I came here" I shouted back.

He knew exactly how to annoy me, damn him. Did all of these fools know me that well? Did I know how I was going to react or could they all read me better than I could read myself. Damn it!

"You know she doesn't want to come back. She asked you not to wish her back" Piccolo asked finally opening his eyes.

"Yes, I'm aware of this" I almost whispered to him.

He, of course would hear me with those big stupid green ears of his.

"Tell me, is there any other way to bring her back?" Vegeta asked.

"You mean without her consent?" Piccolo asked.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just..." Vegeta started.

"You want to see her once more?" Piccolo asked.

I looked away from the Namek, I began to growl. How low must I go? How much will my pride have to keep suffering for her? Was I still the ungrateful fool I use to be? Had she not completely taken over my heart that I would do anything for her? Anything to bring her back to me, if even for a moment.

"I'm not ready to let her go yet" I said again this time I looked straight at the green man.

Piccolo simply nodded at me and the door beside him opened revealing the room inside. I looked at him confused. He knew I wanted this even before I came here seeking him?

"I saw it in your eyes at the funeral. You relied on that woman more than you knew. This is the Pendulum room, it will take you back to any time or place. Stand inside the ring the pendulum swings over. Go and see her one last time" Piccolo said and began to walk away.

I watched him fully disappear around a corner, I looked back to the room now opened to me. Clocks were plastered all over the walls. I proceeded inside and did as the Namekian instructed. There I stood, feeling like a complete and utter fool as a light began to swallow the room and surround me. Thoughts started to race through my mind, something was researching my mind. All memories of her came flooding back.

That time on Namek, the first time I ever saw her. The way my heart felt at the sight of her, did I know back then how much she would affect me?

The first time I kissed her, how hungry I was for her that day that I almost succumb to my desire.

The thoughts of her as I blew myself up to kill Majin Buu.

The birth of our daughter, these thoughts made the lump in my throat come back.

The light became too much I closed my eyes and covered them with my hands. Seconds later I felt the air change. Like the room became warmer, the light was still here, or was that the sun?

I opened my eyes to the blinding lights of the earth's sun. I heard a huge crowd as my eyes adjusted to the light. They were cheering, there were thousands of them I was sure of it. A fighting ring formed in front of me, two fighters stood facing each other. I smirked as I recognised the two of them. Kakarot and Piccolo.

Kakarot looked younger than he was now, very young. I considered jumping in that ring when suddenly I heard something.

"We're with you Goku!" It was Bulma's voice.

I turned my head to see where it came from. In the stand just beside me stood Bulma, the pig Oolong and a Blonde haired female.

Gods, did she look beautiful. She is so young. I must have been transported back in time. I looked down to my hands and clenched them into a fist. I wonder if they can see me? Or is this just a projection? Piccolo had been scarce on the details. I looked back up, she was cheering on her childhood friend. My gaze scanned over the rest of the scene before me. The rest of the gang were around. Tien, Yamcha, Krillin and Master Roshi. It must have been a World Tournament. I smirked once again as I looked at the field. This must have been when Piccolo was still evil, I had heard about this fight.

I looked back at the blue haired female that I had married years before. She was jumping about, smiling and laughing. She was happy. This made me smile, she had been happy in the end as well. She told me I had made her a happy woman, this made me warm inside. The rest of my cold exterior had been melted by the weakling.

I decided to wait until the fight was over, I just had to hear her voice one last time. Besides, I wanted to watch this 'amazing' fight for myself.

* * *

The ring had been complete destroyed. I was hovering in the air to avoid detection, at least for now. Kakarot had managed to push Piccolo out of the ring, or what was left of it and his friends were giving him a senzu bean. They all stood around talking as the fat one, Yajirobe gave Kakarot another senzu bean which he gave to the defeated Piccolo, much to the objection of the others.

That was just like Kakarot, so merciful. Luckily he did, or Radditz would have destroyed them all.

Just as quickly as the Namek flew off, Goku grabbed his own woman and jumped onto a flying cloud. As he disappeared into the distance the others began saying goodbye to each other. I watched Bulma pull out a capsule from her pocket as the rest flew off with each other. She was alone, finally.

I flew down and landed behind her, the sound made her jump and she turned around to scold who ever it was that startled her. So I was really here.

Gods, she was beautiful I thought again. Even when she was annoyed.

Especially when she was annoyed.

"Who are you?" She inquired as a confused look washed over her face.

She considered me with her blue eyes and started to blush. This made me smirk, she always had that look on her face when she was turned on. She was checking me out I knew it. The thought of her going wild filled me, I had to resist the urge to push her to the ground here and now.

"Wow, you're kinda cute" she said winking at me.

I walked forward, grabbed her arm and pulled her into me. Her body felt like home. The warmth of her skin made me shudder. She looked up into my eyes as her cheeks flushed red. Her breathing deepened as I lent in and kissed her hard. Catching her off guard she started to kiss me back. I was surprised she let me kiss her, she just couldn't resist her Prince, apparently even when she hadn't met me yet.

The feeling of her lips on my mine, her body up against me made me miss her a million times more. I was never going to get to do this again. I savored the moment just a second more until I broke the kiss. She looked doe-eyed up at me as I moved my lips to her ear.

"Goodbye Bulma, I love you" I whispered as my body began to vanish.

I heard her begin to speak as I was transported back to the future and back inside the Pendulum room. The scent of my woman still remained on my skin as the air turned cool again. I put my head down and closed my eyes, trying to savour the sight and taste of her for as long as I could until they began to fade from my mind like the afternoon sun.

That was the last time I ever saw her.

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**Thanks for reading x**


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